In a landmark announcement that has left political pundits scratching their heads, TDS Recovery Rehab Centers has rolled out a revolutionary treatment program designed to help those afflicted with Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS). The new therapy, aptly named 'Silence,' promises a profound restoration of sanity by encouraging participants to avoid all forms of political discourse and social media like it’s the Black Plague.
Symptoms of this politically-induced condition have been noted to manifest in desperate behaviors such as aggressive tweeting, involuntary rants on quirky social media platforms, and an alarming tendency to discuss MSNBC during Thanksgiving dinner. Our staff at TDS Recovery understands the need to interject tranquility into these lives that have spiraled into a vortex of cable-induced chaos.
Each TDS Recovery session includes calming techniques such as meditative breathings while staring at blank walls, mindful walks away from screens, and group exercises where participants learn to appreciate the wholesome wonders of mundane conversations. Topics taught include "The Weather: More Than Just a Small Talk Gimmick" and "Can You Believe This Pumpkin Spice Latte?"—a veritable minefield of interaction-free zones.
Moreover, TDS Recovery Centers will soon offer a 24/7 hotline for loved ones dealing with the aftermath of loved ones who can’t seem to stop sharing outdated memes about last year’s election. Support groups for the recovering souls will include an hour titled “I Used to Be Obsessed, but Now I’m Just Alive.” It’s a must-attend for anyone who dreams of feeling normal again.
Finally, as part of the recovery process, TDS Centers will provide all program participants with complimentary earplugs, as well as an assortment of board games to help rekindle those forgotten interpersonal skills. Remember, at TDS Recovery, the first step is turning off the news and stepping into a world where politics doesn’t have to be like that third cousin you see at every holiday gathering: awkward and unable to leave after you’ve politely hinted that a game of Scrabble would be delightful.